I wasn’t going to post today, but this was just too good. Plus, I want this incident documented as evidence that my child was born a smart ass.

We have a strict No Touching the Christmas Tree policy in our home. I understand the allure, I really do. I spend an inordinate amount of time staring at the tree, and I may graze it ever so gently when I pass it. But Dylan doesn’t have a gentle setting. She’s honey badger, or she’s sleeping. So at least a thousand times a day, I tell her she can LOOK at the tree with her eyes, but she cannot TOUCH the tree with her hands. And this seems to work. She does on occasion try to grab a ball or pull the needles, but it’s rare.

So today, I was sitting on the couch, and Dylan was entertaining herself with a toothpaste box (yes, my child plays with toothpaste boxes. And tampons and toilet paper rolls and cardboard boxes. It’s cheap and she loves them and DON’T JUDGE ME.) I heard the unmistakeable rustling of Christmas tree disturbance, so I look over and Dylan is poking the tree with the toothpaste box. I say, “Dylan, what are you doing?” And this kid. She turns around, looks me right in the eye with the most innocent expression on her gorgeous little face, and she says, “No hands!”.

After I picked myself up off the floor, I ushered her away from the tree, and repeated my no touch mantra. But really, it was pretty half-assed. Because lets be honest, she won this round, fair and square. I have a feeling I’ll be winning less and less as this kid gets older. I’m scared you guys.

Hold me.

Doesn’t she just look like she’s already smarter than me? Oy.