Dylan will be two in just a couple of months. Two. Years. Old. I think about that constantly, and yet still cannot seem to fully process this information. Because I just gave birth to her, like, yesterday. How does this happen?
So, since my darling little girl will be an ACTUAL little girl soon, I’ve been thinking a lot about the things that we (I) need to accomplish before too long. It feels like we’ll be graduating, moving onto the next stage, and while I’m hoping there isn’t an actual test at the end of this term, I realize there are certain milestones one is expected to master. Or at the very least, attempt.
Here, in no particular order, is Dylan’s cram list (I’ll provide the Red Bull and pancakes, she’s gotta do the heavy lifting):
-Weaning. I KNOW. We had this conversation a few months ago. Or a year ago, whatever. Anyway, the point is, I started weaning, it was going awesomely (is that a word?), and then we kind of stalled out. Bedtime and nap time were the ones we held onto, and the rare occasion when she woke up at night. I was ok with getting rid of those sessions a little more slowly. But then I started working at night, and in the interest of sleeping in a little later in the mornings, I started bringing her to bed with me, and giving her a boob to get her back to sleep. Rookie mistake. And now it’s kind of a…thing. I don’t even know where to begin on this one.
-Pacifiers. I don’t hate them. I actually kind of love them. They saved my sanity many, many a night. And day. And car ride. But, it’s almost time to ditch the paci. I’m just not nearly stupid enough to cut off the boob and the baby plug at the same time. Boob first, then pacis.
-Potty training. Um. Yeah. We got a toilet? It should just resolve itself, right? (Please, leave me to my delusions. I don’t even want to think about all the pee. All. The. Pee.)
-Big Girl Bed. This one sends shivers down my spine, even more so than the peeing. I mean, cribs have bars for a reason people. Toddlers are insane little creatures that would set fire to their own foot if given the chance and a box of matches. The idea of her being unshackled and able to roam freely, even if it’s just in her little bedroom, is enough to keep me awake for the next 7 years. I think we’ll push this one off for a little while longer. Cribs are cool in high school, right?
If we buckle down and put our nose to the grindstone and burn the candle at both ends and any other clichés you can think of, I am fairly confident we’ll get this done in the next few months. But I’m not worried, and honestly, I’m not in too much of a rush. Dylan has always, since we brought her home all tiny and wiggly and pink, taken the lead. When she’s ready, she’s ready, and she gets shit done. I know her well enough to not push her, to wait until its her time. I know this because I am the exact same way.
So if I change her diaper, nurse her, then put her to bed in her crib with a pacifier (ok, two) the night of her second birthday? Meh. I’m ok with that. I know her time is soon. And when her time comes to graduate, please, send me booze. Not wine. Hard shit. Because lord help me, a toddler who can pee on your floor in the middle of the night because her baby jail is gone and who cannot be silenced with a boob? There is nothing more terrifying.