We’ve been to Disneyland 3 times in the last 2 weeks (thank you, annual passes!). You’d think I would be tired of it by now. But you would be wrong. In fact, I’m probably singing my way through It’s a Small World for the 5th time as you read this. And, as you can see by the look of crazed excitement on my childs face in these pictures from her first time (technically, her second time, but she was only 1 when we took her for the first time, so it didn’t really count), it’s shocking we haven’t moved down the street from the place by now.
Archive for April, 2012
Two weeks. That’s how long it’s been since I’ve been here. Two weeks. That’s a long time, in blog time. I’ve missed it, have missed you all, but can I be honest? It’s been…nice. Quiet (ish) (I do still have the Queen D running around at full steam, natch). I’ve been ridiculously busy and crazed and stressed on more days than not in the last 14, but I feel at peace. Let me tell you why…
I’ve decided to cut myself some slack. Let myself off the hook. Stop expecting so much of myself. I have a child, a husband, a home, and a job, all of which require 100% of my time and attention and energy and effort. And that is where I want to put it. Which is not to say that I DON’T want to put as much love and time into my writing, but right now, I don’t have it to give. I was posting 3 times a week, every week, and I don’t think I can keep that up. I’m going to try, to write and share as much as I can, but when it comes down to hunkering down with my laptop to write, or playing Fairy Princess Parade with her, well, I can’t put my tutu and wings on fast enough, friends.
So I made a deal, with myself, to not be so hard on me. To cut me some slack, let out the line a little. I write down everything, and have weeks of posts scribbled all over the place, so when I get the time to share it here, I will. I have no intention of going away, or stopping what I do here, because I love it and need it and it’s a part of me now. But it’s a smaller part than my other parts, and that’s ok, and that’s how it should be. I am a writer, yes, but only because I am a wife and mother. They are my inspiration, my reason, my heart. And I need to nurture them now.
And I need them to nurture me.
It’s been over a week since I’ve been here, in this place I love so much. Over a week since I’ve been able to stop and listen to the words in my brain, and have enough time to put them down. It’s been a blur of toddlers and work and comings and goings and meals and cleaning and barely seeing the husband and and and and and.
Things have changed quite a bit in the last month. I started working, which is GOOD, but it’s a lot. Husband got a new job, which is AMAZING, but takes him away now, instead of letting him be here a lot. So husband is gone all day, all week, and I am here, and the kid is here, and it’s me and her all day. Every day. And into the evening. And during the night. And in the morning. And all day again. Every day. My job is in there, not the kid one, but the paying one, and while I love that I have it, it is a weight. It’s all weighted. And heavy on my shoulders. And my arms are getting tired.
I miss rest. I miss having time, even just an hour or two, to myself. I miss my husband. I miss writing. Life is here, and it is moving, and I’m caught in the tide, and I feel like I’m missing everything. But I am going to stop swimming, and relax, and go with the current. I’ll circle back around when I catch a calm spot.