Well, here we are, another year passed us by. I considered doing a year in review post, like so many other wonderful posts I’ve read so far, but when I sat down to write it, it was kind of pathetic. January: rang in the New Year at home with Dylan and Tom. February: celebrated Valentine’s Day with Dylan and Tom. July: turned 30, celebrated with Dylan and Tom. August: (this is a biggie) Dylan turned ONE, celebrated with mom and day. You get the picture.

It was an uneventful year, in that nothing over the top good or remarkably bad happened. It was a good year, simple, filled with laughter. And I am thankful for it.

2012 will be a year of refocus for me. Motherhood, marriage, writing: these are my parts, and I’m going to use the new year as an opportunity to devote myself to them anew. No specific resolutions (don’t believe in them), but just a reorganization and prioritizing of time and energy. I’m getting back to what’s important, and making it important again. More to come, as I start at the beginning again in so many ways.

Happy New Year everyone. Thank you, sincerely, for coming along on this journey, and for reading my words. I look forward to sharing more in the coming year, and to learning along the way. Be safe my friends. See you on the flip side.

So, my Christmas recap is a little late. I’ve had the hardest time getting back to real life after the most wonderful Christmas I’ve ever had. Seriously. It was SO much fun. Watching your kid on Christmas morning, opening presents and getting so goddamn excited over each and every one is just the best thing ever, and makes up for every lost hour of sleep over the past year and a half.

We spent Christmas Eve with my brother-in-law Charles, his girlfriend Cheri, and her wonderful, amazing family. Cheri has twin sisters who are 10, so Dylan was in heaven, what with the presents and treats and constant captive audience. We got home very late, put the girl right to bed, and set out playing Santa. Christmas morning we spent at home, just the three of us, and I will remember every moment of that time together for as long as I live. THAT’S how awesome it was. After she tore through what seemed like enough wrapping paper to feed a small country, we headed to my sisters house for MORE presents and some good times with her cousins. Then the rest of the day, we laid around. We watched TV, snacked, napped, played with many, many toys. Had takeout fish and chips for dinner. Laughed. Smiled. Loved. It was brilliant. I can’t wait till next year.

I hope you all had as wonderful a day as we did. Happy Holidays!

…And all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring,
Because mama was cursing and yelling at all the stupid presents and the stupid wrapping paper and stupid bows and tape and gift tags and wishing Santa WAS real and would get his fat ass down here and save her from the hell she created, and they were hiding. Like a mouse.

(That sounds ridiculous, but I’m leaving it in, as evidence of my brain being completely ruined by the holiday season)

I shall read this before shopping next year, to remind myself of the horror that is gift wrap, and only buy things in perfect boxes. Or gift cards. Or use gift bags. Come to think of it, why the hell didn’t I do that this year?

For the record, all my gifts look like they were wrapped by chimps. And that could very well be an insult to chimps. I’m telling everyone Dylan wrapped their gifts. She looks like a genius, I don’t look like a 6 year old, everybody wins.

Is it over yet?

She’s just too cool. Can’t you tell by the look of complete whateverness oozing from her face?

Hipster Baby has the sniffles. 5 days before Christmas, my child catches a cold. The husband and I were both sicky for a day or so, and when you spend every waking moment with your child, a la me, it’s really difficult not to swap germs. I mean, she’s a toddler, she sticks her fingers in my nose for Christ’s sake. So today, her nose started running, and her eyes got that glazed, stuffy look one gets when your head is full of ick. I’m REALLY hoping that it’s a 24 hour thing, oh my god please don’t let my poor sweet girl be sick on Christmas. That’s just the worst.

In other, I’m an idiot news, I haven’t even started wrapping presents. And to be honest, I probably won’t wrap them until Friday night. Between the tree obsessed kid and Satan the Kitten (I’ll have to blog about her one day, I’m just never sure I’m not going to leave her in the Salvation Army bucket one day), placing beautifully wrapped gifts under the tree any sooner than 5 minutes before they’re to be opened is just asking for trouble. So Dylan will go to bed on Saturday with her regular old tree, and wake up to a bounty of loot from Santa and mom and dad. She is gonna shit.

And hey, can we all agree that people should be nice in December? I mean, you have 11 other months in the year to be your normal, douchey self. Let’s tone the assholery down a couple notches, in the spirit of the season. We’re all stressed, and tired, and quite frankly ready for Christmas and Hanukkah to be done and over with. You’re not the only one my friend. So please, for the rest of us who have to deal with you, smile. Say “thank you”. And a “please” wouldn’t kill you. Stop being such a fucking dick. And Merry Christmas.

***Christmas is in 9 days. How the shit did that happen? The girl child is done, presents-wise. The awesome thing about shopping for a 16 month old, is that you can shop WITH said 16 month old. It’s like that movie “50 First Dates”, they forget what they saw or did almost as soon as they saw or did it. The rest of the shopping will be wrapped up (and by wrapped up, I mean done, not actually wrapped, because I refuse to let my brain go there until probably the 23rd) this weekend, and come Monday, I will be home free! Except for the wrapping, GAH the goddamn wrapping. Whatever.

***I cannot TELL you how excited I am for Christmas morning. And Christmas Eve. But mostly the morning. Because my kid? Is really, really, really excitable and expressive, and I will die at her face when she walks out to see all the awesome goodies that Santa left for her. And yes, ours will be a Santa house; I literally CANNOT IMAGINE not believing in Santa Clause as a child. Some of my greatest memories from my childhood are of my parents going above and beyond on the Santa front: boot prints in the house, hoof prints outside, big bites taken out of carrots left for reindeer, letters to Santa intercepted and replied to. They did whatever they could to make sure that we had that little bit of magic in our lives during the holidays, and I fully intend to pass that on to Dylan. It’s not lying, it cultivating magical memories people!

***It occurred to me today that I have no responsibilities for Christmas, other than playing Santa to a toddler with no sort term memory. We’re not having people over, we’re not required to bring anything to any of the places we’ll be going (although I’ll probably whip something up, maybe some candy or something, because I hate going places empty handed). After the stress and work of Thanksgving, I could not be more thrilled that I am off the hook for Christmas. It’s a Yuletide miracle!

***Dylan started counting yesterday. Like, actually counting. To 2. SHE’S 16 MONTHS OLD YOU GUYS. She added 3 today, I’ll try to get her up to 4 or 5 in the next week. It’s amazing, and fucking terrifying. I’m so proud and freaked out.

***My new favorite thing she says: “malk” or “mooooooooolk”, depending on her mood. That’s “milk”, by the way. Duh.

***And, there was this:

First Clementine.

And this:

One of the greatest things about having kids is that until they’re big enough to fend you off, you have every right to make them wear gigantic purple helmets for your amusement. You won’t find that in any stupid baby book, either.

This is a sponsored post. Live Clean Baby provided me with their products for the purpose of this review. All thoughts and opinions are mine and mine alone.

Growing up, I had the most sensitive skin. I was allergic to pretty much everything: dyes, perfumes, lotions, soaps, detergents. I couldn’t wear jewelry unless it was real gold. Certain fabrics literally rubbed me the wrong way. I couldn’t even lay in grass, lest I wanted to then contend with the huge hives that would pop up almost immediately. Luckily, the worst it ever got was a pretty bad rash, and most of my sensitivities have tapered off as I’ve gotten older. I still can’t use some products, and any time I have an allergic reaction to something it manifests itself on my skin first, but it’s not the constant presence it was during my childhood.

Still, when I was pregnant with Dylan, I fretted quite a bit about passing my skin issues onto her. It’s never fun to be overly sensitive to so many things in your daily life, but it’s REALLY stressful when you’re trying to protect your newborn from the same dangers. So we were very proactive, and only purchased all natural, organic, hypoallergenic products to use on her. I didn’t want to take any chances, so we just never used anything else. The problem with that is, some of that stuff can be pricey. California Baby, Shea Organics, Burt’s Bees: great products, with a price tag to match. But it’s your kids, you bite the bullet and spend the big bucks, right? No question.

So when Live Clean Baby offered to send me their line of all natural, eco-friendly, AFFORDABLE baby products to try, I was thrilled! The same gentle, natural goodness on my baby’s butt for less money? Why yes, I would enjoy that very much, thank you.

Live Clean is a popular line of eco-friendly personal care products widely available (and very popular) in Canada. It’s been made available exclusively at Walgreen’s in the US, both online and in stores. The products are made using only natural, plant based ingredients, and are free of many of the harsh chemicals found in so many of the things we use on our (and our baby’s!) skin, like parabens, preservatives, phthalates, and phosphates. Live Clean Baby is also vegan and cruelty free (no animal ingredients are used, and none of the products OR their ingredients are tested on animals), and all of the packaging is made of “virgin” materials, making them easier to recycle than other plastics. Everything about this line put me at ease, and I couldn’t wait to plop Dylan down in a bath and lather her up.

We received the full line (Tearless Shampoo and Wash, Moisturizing Baby Bath, Moisturizing Baby Lotion, Non-Petroleum Jelly, Diaper Ointment, and Moisturizing Bar Soap), but only had a chance to use the shampoo, baby wash, baby bath, and lotion for this review. I loved them all. Seriously. LOVED. They were so gentle on Dylan’s skin, and left it so soft and not at all dry. They lathered well, which is surprising for products that contain no sodium laurel sulfate or diethanolamine (common chemicals used to build lather and viscosity. Ewwww, right?), and rinsed clean with no residue left on the skin. They have a very light scent, almost undetectable, like what you’d expect from the plant based ingredients they use (think rosehip or lavender), not at all perfumey or heavy. I’ve been using the lotion on my own old, dry skin, and I love it. Not greasy, goes on very light, no scent, super moisturizing. I couldn’t be more excited to continue to use the line, both on Dylan and myself. And the best part? Every product is $7.99. That’s it. And you get PLENTY of product for the price too, not some dinky little bottle that’ll last 2 baths. Plus, the bottle has a cute little duck on it, and you’ll get a kick out of your newly verbal kid say “quack, quack” over and over and over again during bath time. Trust me.

All-natural, chemical-free, cruelty-free, environmentally friendly, AND wallet friendly? Really, even if you don’t have a kid, you should be using Live Clean Baby. Don’t let the kid have all the fun and good skin. Mommy needs a soft butt too.

*If you go to Walgreen’s website now, you’ll save 30% on the entire line of Live Clean Baby products. So go. You’re welcome.

I wasn’t going to post today, but this was just too good. Plus, I want this incident documented as evidence that my child was born a smart ass.

We have a strict No Touching the Christmas Tree policy in our home. I understand the allure, I really do. I spend an inordinate amount of time staring at the tree, and I may graze it ever so gently when I pass it. But Dylan doesn’t have a gentle setting. She’s honey badger, or she’s sleeping. So at least a thousand times a day, I tell her she can LOOK at the tree with her eyes, but she cannot TOUCH the tree with her hands. And this seems to work. She does on occasion try to grab a ball or pull the needles, but it’s rare.

So today, I was sitting on the couch, and Dylan was entertaining herself with a toothpaste box (yes, my child plays with toothpaste boxes. And tampons and toilet paper rolls and cardboard boxes. It’s cheap and she loves them and DON’T JUDGE ME.) I heard the unmistakeable rustling of Christmas tree disturbance, so I look over and Dylan is poking the tree with the toothpaste box. I say, “Dylan, what are you doing?” And this kid. She turns around, looks me right in the eye with the most innocent expression on her gorgeous little face, and she says, “No hands!”.

After I picked myself up off the floor, I ushered her away from the tree, and repeated my no touch mantra. But really, it was pretty half-assed. Because lets be honest, she won this round, fair and square. I have a feeling I’ll be winning less and less as this kid gets older. I’m scared you guys.

Hold me.

Doesn’t she just look like she’s already smarter than me? Oy.

-Real tree: bought and trimmed…CHECK!
-Wreath: hanging on the door, festively: CHECK!
-Christmas lights hung, even more festively: CHECK!
-Christmas cards: created, ordered, addressed, and ready to mail…CHECK!
-Christmas list organized, gifts bookmarked on Amazon, prices checked and double checked: CHECK!

Alright, I’m looking good here folks. All we’ve left to do is buy the gifts, wrap the gifts, get stocking stuffers, buy Dylan a stocking (shiiiiiiit), and uhhhhhhhh, I think that’s it. I’m most definitely wrong, but if I can’t remember it, it doesn’t count, right?

Next weekend I’m gonna try to cram as much holiday fun in as is humanly possible. Candy Cane Lane light tour, Santa pictures, caroling (watching, not doing), a few Christmas movies. There will be hot chocolate and cookies consumed in vast quantities. It’s going to an epic holiday weekend, and the perfect precursor to Christmas.

So help me GOD.

We couldn’t do it. We talked about it, agreed (in theory) that it was a good idea, did a little comparison shopping. And set out yesterday to get ourselves a nice, shiny plastic Christmas tree.

And then we totally balked.

Maybe it was the feel. Or the fact that no matter how expensive the tree was (and some of them are EXPENSIVE), it still looked cheap. Or maybe, just maybe, once my nose smelled the glorious smell of a live tree, my mind was made up. We went for a plastic tree, and left with this:

6 feet of gorgeous, fresh, sappy Nordman Fir. I am in LOVE. This particular species of tree is über popular in Europe, but not very well known here. It’s got amazing needle retention, is one of the more resilient trees (so it’ll last through the holiday), and, for some odd but wonderful reason, looks flocked ( the underside of the needles is light green, the top is very dark, giving it a nice contrast).

We had a tree last year (Douglas fir, DEAD TO ME), but obviously Dylan doesn’t remember, since she was all of 4 months old. So this year, we were BEYOND excited for her reaction to the tree and the lights and the decorations. Excited, and a little scared, because if she didn’t like it for some inane reason, the next 3 weeks were gonna be shit. But, lucky for us, she totally has my love for all things Christmas.

This is Dylan helping Tom remove the netting. Right after I took this, she grabbed a handful and ran as fast as her little legs could carry her, hoping to get some one on one time with the forbidden net.

Getting to know the ornaments for the first time. Didn’t get that all those pretty balls were not for hurling at the dog.

I have a slight obsession with The Nightmare Before Christmas. It’s still a little dark for the kid, but soon, the indoctrination will begin. By the way, if you’re not down the Skellington and his crew, we can’t be friends.

She got as close as she possibly could right as Tom plugged the lights in, and screamed “LIGHTS!” when they came on.

This was us trying to keep her busy and out of the tree. It worked like a boss for 3 minutes.

As the ruler and supreme being of this house, Dylan got to place the first ornament. It was her very first ornament, which we got last year for her first Christmas. I totally moved it higher, to a more respectable spot on the tree. We’re going to Knott’s Merry Farm on Saturday, so we’ll let her pick out another ornament, just for her.

Baby’s First Christmas, 2010. Oy, this makes my heart hurt. A whole year, gone. *sigh*

So here she is, our finished tree. I love it, I’ve cried 4 times since putting it up, and it hasn’t even been 24 hours. NOW it feels like Christmas. All it needs now is some presents underneath (which I will be putting there on Christmas Eve, when the kid is asleep, because COME ON, she’s no dummy, and I’d be wrapping those damn presents every other day between now and Christmas).

So, between keeping the cats out of the tree, and the kid away from the ornaments, the next 3 weeks are gonna be pretty busy around here. I’m thinking about putting a velvet rope up around my precious tree, to keep the riffraff out. The squirt bottle works well on the cats, but I’ve heard using it on your toddler is frowned upon.